Hi everyone,
On August 24 it was my pleasure to feature J. Patrick Lewis, our reigning U. S. Children’s Poet Laureate, who treated us to a poetic challenge that he dubbed PARROTY. What pursued was a frenzy of witty poems posted by witty poets. If you haven’t revisited that occasion lately, be sure you do. It would be a shame to let so much fun and talent get swept under the list of posts since then!
Pat mentioned that he might have another challenge when I felt the time was right. I think the time is right. So here is the latest from Pat:
Hi David,
Here’s another one: One word does not a poem make, or a new verse form. But it does qualify as wordplay. The title is self-explanatory. I included three one-worders (not any of those below) in my new IF YOU WERE A CHOCOLATE MUSTACHE, just now coming out from Wordsong/BMP.
Best,
Pat
ONE-WORDERS
Bungee jumper Boyo-yo
Antarctic survivor Pengwin
Joey’s house Kangaroom
Number One doctor Peediatrician
Pasta-filled cookie Macarooni
Green poodle Broccollie
Doggie park Terriertory
Robin’s snack Earthwo-
Speedread Gobble-de-book
Arithmetic whiz Mathlete
One-fifth of a house Two-tents
World’s largest telescope Vastronomer
What a guillotine does Disconnecks
Number one eye doctor Toptometrist
Mule train (or, Donkey cart) Wheelburro
Rodent whiskers Mousetache
Fenced flower bed Guarden
Full cemetery Overcrowdead
Heat wave Fahrenheight
Ruined shaped Wreckedangle
Look, a fly—no, it’s Souperman!
The Wordplay’s the Thing Shakespirit
So there we have it. And for all those poets who routinely solve my Word of the Month one-word challenge, this should be great fun indeed. I’ve given it a shot with some of my own.
Dodging creditors: Billgame
Boring crocodile: Crocodull
Humorless settlers: Pilgrumps
Cane manufacturer in Chicago: Chicanery
Fruit injected with growth hormones: Plumps&Amples
Wilted flower garden: Lackadaisycal
Pigs in a pond: Waterfoul
Mothers who rob banks: Momsters
Insect pests at a Paris picnic: Frenchflies
Determined dolphin: Porpoiseful
Crazy astronaut on the moon: Lunartic
David
These are strangely addictive. I can see one could take each individual line and make it the ending to a poem. I especially like my last entry in this “poem” because it is a double pun!
xxxJane
J. Pat’s challenge
On one’s last leg: End Gam
Medicine for a worm: Caterpill
Misspoken Camel: Palindromadary
Lazy ocean killer: Great White Shirk
Coal-fired reading device: Lumplight
Storage for bears: Cubboard
Melville navel novel: Billybuddon
Ah yes, and we’re off and running. Good double pun, Jane! I have a feeling you’ll be back. I know I will. Someone needs to stop Pat.
That Great White Shirk keeps coming back to me – funny!
See-can’t stop.
Jane
Musical Perversions
Surround sound: Wrap Music
Insurrection in a high key: Contra-tenor
Drummer missed a beat: Tinpo
Brassy, horny player: Sexyphone
Underwater singer: Tunerfish
Conductor fishing for a beginning: Downbait
Fiddling with the downbait: Violine
Lost the bait: Haddick
You did it again. I’ll have to think harder.
clothing that stops: halter
David, you’re right. It is like bad puns, once you start it is hard to stop.
Good morning David,
I am not sure that this is what you are aiming for …
poe-suite: a hotel room reserved for poets
critterature: literature in which animals are the main characters
bitterature: writings of embittered authors
jailagator: an alligator that lives behind bars
clutterature/litterature: substandard writings flooding/littering the market
Cory
Indeed it is, Cory! Bingo and thanks for leaping into the fun!
Musical shark: hummerhead
Flounder bounder: conflounder
Dead stingray: stangray
Mythical monster of the pond: Mobyduck
Distant cousin of the dog:caneight
A singing fish:singray
Aw, poor stangray! So funny!
Love “stangray!” David.
Jane
Thanks, Jane. Wheeee! He’s doing it to us again.
Hi, Everybody–this great fun but is giving me a headache!
Boastful gravestone: Ravestone
Person who loves potato chips: Potato hips
One who will do anything for pizza: Pizza Slut
Egotistical ophthalmologist: I-doctor
Telephone co. repairman: High-wire artist
Vegan jellybean: Jellygreen
Delinquent cruise ship captain: Naptain
Okay, Julie! Glad to see reinforcements arriving! Thank you!
suicidal butterfly: leapidoptera
butterfly ballet: leapidoptera
What a fun game!
Lost at sea: Asighlum
Wooden t.v. character: Doora
Touring gamers: Pilcribbage
Good, Catherine. We’re off!
I’ll spread the word.
Hannibal Lecter-Humanitarian
Ken, I love your humanitarian! Thanks for the laugh.
Over weight aunt: giant
desert shoe: sandal
Oh-oh! Joy’s turned on! Stand back, folks.
Inspired by Joy. Thanks dear.
an ant that does flips: flippant
beans that talk on the stalk: beanstalk
Caught stealing a handbag: Purseacuted
And here’s our friend, Charles, right on the button. Thanks!
…and a couple of R-rated words:
The feeling you have toward someone you admire, but dislike: Apprecihate
OK, I’ll bite! Here are a few more:
Sat on a fish fillet: Halibutt
Punctual tattletale: Snitch-in-time
Fishing-lure jewelry: Rednecklace
Petulant author: Snipewriter
King of all word books: Tyranthesaurus Rex
(one that’s a tad obscure…)
Joyce Kilmer’s shade: Poetree
Thanks, Matt,
It’s hard to stop! Thanks for pitching in!
Diabolical feline: satanicat
Hey, that’s my cat!!
I thought they all were like that!
Hamburger/Hotdog Day: Grounddog Day
Cross between tulip and Venus Flytrap: Twolip
Smart aleck primate-Saspagorilla
Chef’s watch-Thymepiece
Greetings, Penny, and thanks for joining the fun. Grounddog Day indeed!
It’s hard to compete with this crowd….
Insulting marsupial – Kangarude.
Hello, here’s my number one son! Everyone, please note that the nut doesn’t roll far from the tree. Thanks for joining the party, Jeff!
Kangarude is hysterical!
Renee, please don’t encourage that sort of behavior. I tried to raise the boy right and keep away from writers. He went into computers instead so he can save his dear sainted daddy every time his computer misbehaves.
Zoo Who? Or: They are REALLY out of Africa
Dead pachyderm: Elephisn’t.
Aussie king; Kangarule.
Iron Rhno: Rhinocerust.
Hurt Dinner Service: Platterpus.
Cross Bred Cows: Cattlepiller
Ocean going Long Necks: Girafts
Incursive Deer Herds: Anterlopers
Flower’s Last Blast: Skank.
Battler at the Birdfeeder: Squarrel
Enjoy–Jane
Jane, we ought to start a cemetary for deceased stangrays, elephisn’ts and such. I’ll be back in the morning.
Ooh, Jane, you know what else works for Dead pachyderm?
Elephain’t.
-Ed
I now that, Ed–I have a picture book making the rounds called Vanishing Pachyderm which has both Eleph-isn’t and Eleph-aint in it!
Jane
profound monk: deep-friar
middle-aged dog’s problem: menopaws
tearful weaving: basketbawl
eloped wildebeests: gnulyweds
diabolical feline: satanicat
know-it-all journalists: knewsies
citrus assistant: lemonaide
go shopping for contact lenses: eyebrowse
favorite dance at the asylum: berzurka
silly entrails: flibbertigiblets
Birds of a Feather
pessimistic bird: toucan’t
folk-singing flutterer: strummingbird
bird in charge: bosstrich
birds on vacation: skiwis
procrastinating bird: wouldpecker
toast carrier: melbatross
funky bird: flamingo-go
aggressive bird: spartridge
ornithological orthographer: spellican
hardworking bird: choriole
punctual bird: peaclock
dour foul: tacitern
Vegas flyers: birds-of-pair-a-dice
Good heavens, Renee, did you stay up all night doing these? I love them all, What a delightful collection! Thanks for adding your humor to this funfest.
Renee–brilliant!
Though it could be even just a tad funnier entitled Foul Ball or Foulish Feathers. (My bad.)
Jane
Yes! I conked out on the title. Foulish Feathers!
wine/drinks thief: aperethief
Halloween celebrant: Halloweenite
pencil capital: Pencilvania
toe photographs: photoes
Cory, you must have learned about Pencilvania at Honesdale!
finalists in green apple eating contest: runoff
dumb knitter: knitwit
moron who blames others: blamebrain
story about a young horse: ponytale
suspicious e-mail: phishy
shipload of fish eggs: roeboat
breath fresheners for accountants: documints
dead butterfly: butterflew
dogs in the park: poo-dles
cat giving a compliment: amewsing
David, I am in AWE of you and everyone posting here. They are all so creative, original, and aMUSE-ing.
Cory
Thank you, Cory. This is Pat’s fault. We should get him down and rub his head.
I love all the dead ones! Butterflew indeed.
Well done!
But I can’t help but say this – a pony isn’t a young horse, it’s a different breed entirely. 😉
Oh heck, you caught me with my hoof in my mouth, Taylor. I’d hoped to slip by the censors on that one, but I forgot that we have an astute equestrian among us. Thanks, smarty!
Cory–as long as they are not aBUSE-ing. Or con-FUSE-ing. Or conTUES-ing. But enTHUSE-ing.
Jane
Thanks David and Jane. I will be smiling ALL day.
I take my leave for I must attend to sqWHIRL who is in the process of deCAPtivating my sunflowers… and ‘snap’ him in the act.
Cory
How about these, which seem to all be animal afflictions:
A persistently plagued peeved pachyderm: Hiccupotamus
A completely closed cat critter: Ocelocked
A boisterously booming bellyaching beluga: Whail
A mild-mannered, milquetoast mammoth: Elefaint
Hi Samuel, and welcome. Thank you for your witty contributions to the festivities. I hope you’ll mark this spot and come back.
Poet of distinction: rhymeritus
This is fun! here are some more that exploded into my head:
Terrific tacos: Mexcellent
Prime pastries: Trancendanish
Finest firefighters: Distinguisher
Mexcellent indeed, Samual!
Love this, and all of the examples above!
Baghdad spider: Iraqnid
Intrigue among actors: thespionage
Unimportant monster: nonstrosity
Old thing that makes you uneasy: frantiquity
Smartest fish in school: fintelligentsia
Sugar daddy: Cashanova
Latin names: Romanclature
Sleepless spouse: snormented
Steven Withrow
Ah, and here’s Steven now! Way to go. I love ’em all.
As a former theater person, I thank you for THESPIONAGE. But NONSTROSITY should be a real word! 🙂
Alligator Watch :: Crocodial
An unspeakably nasty bird: peefoul
Epic Poet :: David Harrison :: epiverbarist
Wow, Annalisa! I’m going to have a T-shirt made with that on it!
Heck, I can outgroan that. Read below. However, I would like a cool watch like that.
A writer with a synonym addiction: Thesauraholic
Oh my, Charline!
Then a dinosaur with a synonym addiction would be a tryannosauraholic!
Famous Bookies: Pats Your Money, Gets No Choice
Drinking Ale in Camelot: Arthurholic
Moby Dick in Central Park Snow: The White Swale
“The Raven” : Poe-atree
Feline Pilgrims: The Caterbury Tales
I love your Poe-atree, Jane, as always.
I’ll try…
Arboreal Treachery: Treeson
Otherwise known as a sapling. Thanks, Mike.
City reptile: Alleygator
Bear that won’t shave: Grizzledy
Sassy handwear: Foxyglove
That’s all I’ve got for now. Will keep thinking!
~Taylor
Way to go, Taylor! Great contributions! I love Alleygator especially.
punster with no money: punnyless
small pun: puny
big pun: elephpunt
actually punniless probably
Thanks, Herman! I’m glad you joined the fun. Thanks for the play on pun itself.
More Things with Feathers
B.B. King with wings: Blues-jay
Proof of nest ownership: Chickadeed
Robert from the golf course: Bob O’ Links
Why Ernie lost his best pal: Mocking Bert
The problem with Rooosevelt: Spare-O
Butternut Tree’s humble origin: Nut-hatch
Chickadeed! Fabulous!
Buffy’s back. Clever stuff. Chickadeed indeed!
See–addictive!
Jane
I know, I know! What are we going to do?
price of pirate corn: buckanear
handyman father: dodad
politicians’ favorite lunchmeat: bulloney
AARGH, matey! Ye are not allowed to be clever anymore, lest ye want to walk the plank! My sides can’t take the laughing! BUCKANEAR!
Dear Renee,
In the spirit of talk like a pirate day, I want to confess that I pirated the buckanear idea from son Jeff, who was recently fussing about the price of corn and popped out with this little gem. Aargh! I’m guilty. Just don’t make me dance the hempen jig!
I surrender.
Jane
You say that, but . . .
I’m back! In honour of National Talk Like a Pirate Day:
Where pirates play catch: The backyaaard!
A pirate’s favourite actress: Scaaarlet Johansson!
Where pirates get their fried dough: The Caaarnival!
How does a modern pirate keep track of enemies? Radaaar!
Who are pirates voting for this year? Baaarack Obama!
A pirate’s favourite animal: Aaardvaaark!
Where did the pirate leave his bride-to-be: At the altaaar!
(I can hear all the groans from here…)
Matt,
These are great since it is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Oh I have
dog for taking scientific notes-labradoodle.
Aargh! Joy go to your room!
Matt, I love it when you talk like that!
Tiger’s ex’s favorite tool: dingbat
Practical waterfowl: logigull
Opposite of pelican: pelican’t
Snake that swims up on victims: watersneak
What pirates spent their doubloons on: doublondes
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I don’t think these are too partisan, so how about a few political PARROTYs …
Invasion of policy: Pryan’
State of confusion: Alobama
One tiny step away from being dangerous: Bident
Greetings, Ed,
Thanks again for joining us! I seem to have heard of some of these places and politicians!
Warm and whole, heels and toes: Sockratic Oath
A quack’s pledge: Hipocritic Oath
A long distance relationship: Plutonic (and mostly likely, platonic)
I’m smiling, Cory. Thanks for adding to the fun! I especially like Hipocritic Oath.
Grin of a green flutterer: luna mirth
Who is it who sits upon her young to quiet them? S’Mother Goose!
Ha! Karen, I agree with Cory. I love them both. Thanks!
SUPER, Karen! I love S’Mother Goose.