A raccoon is eating my house

Hi everyone,
She always wears a mask but she’s not fooling me. She began to eat my house a week or so ago, nibble by nibble, crunch by crunch. It may take her a while but she seems to relish her work.

Apparently her lively social schedule allows her only a short while each morning, starting around 4:00ish in which to eat my house. I have only caught one glimpse of her but she has no doubt seen me, smelled me, and heard me numerous times.

Sandy and I awake to the sound of munching just above the exit door in our bedroom. We lie in the dark and listen to the unmistakable gnawing until I finally get up, turn on the porch light, and go outside to engage in another round of “Are you smarter than a raccoon?” So far the score is tilted in favor of the raccoon. I can’t even find where the dirty deed is being done. She seems to have found some secret spot where my house is most vulnerable and from which she remains virtually un-seeable.

Last night was typical. The first attack came at 4:37. I geared up at once to engage in full combat. Porch light on. Up and out. I grabbed the long-handled leaf scoop and began banging around the general area where I think the wily varmint is performing her dastardly deed. Silence. Have I run her off? I hope so. Back in bed, four minutes later, I discover the awful truth.

We danced our little dance five times between 4:37 and 5:30. The game was finally called because of rain, which began at 5:30. I’m losing sleep. I keep dozing off at the keyboard. I hope she gets a splinter in her tongue.

Today I’m calling someone who has a trap!




22 comments on “A raccoon is eating my house

  1. Coon Trap

    I have a trap,
    A broom
    A coon
    I hope the hunter
    gets here soon.
    Or else
    the coon
    will entrap
    She’s going
    to win


  2. that Jane Yolen, she must be like a genius!

    Coon Tune

    I’m just a wild raccoon
    Whistlin’ a happy tune
    I wanna hunk o’ house
    Better get some soon!

    Just some wall to munch
    Or some porch to crunch
    Want a yummy bunch
    Of Dave’s house for lunch
    Yippee Yi Yo Ki-Yay!

    • Ha ha! Thanks for bringing us the raccoon’s point of view. As a friend of mine used to remind us, no pancake is too flat to have two sides.

  3. Poetry has no effect on raccoons. But it can keep one’s mind off the crunching for a bit. ‘Twill take a professional to figure out where to place the trap–it isn’t only coyotes who are wily. Question…are you SURE it’s a raccoon?

    • I think so, Stef. A beaver can’t reach that high and squirrels are in their beds at that hour dreaming of digging up my potted plants.

  4. I feel your pain! Squirrels are eating our windowsills. They do it in broad daylight, with us watching. I tapped on the window to scare one and it’s response was to press it’s nose on the glass to take a better look at me! Feisty rodents.

    • We’ve had them in our attic, too, Wendy. Maybe Cheryl is right. To raccoons and squirrels our houses must look like large gingerbread treats.

  5. Oh, my dear. You really need a trapper. Those damn raccoons have probably already invaded your house, had their babies, tucked then happily under the eaves or in the rafters or attic, and the noise iin the early AM is mama returning from her nightly prowls. From one who knows whereof she speaks,

    • Oh I know! The last time this happened about six years ago we eventually had to replace the roof. The roofers found babies up there and even after the roof was replaced an adult managed to get in. I have a trapper coming out next week.

  6. If you can’t catch that critter very, very soon,
    Then add to the “dance” with a lively tune!

    It’s true that music will scare the beast
    Or keep it from eating your house, at least.

    Purchase a radio and play it all night
    Your ‘coon will head off in a terrible fright!

      • Just trying to keep up with all of your poetic buddies! LOL! The radio trick worked a bit for us when a raccoon was killing our chickens. Mostly, though, it scared me every time I walked into the chicken house and heard someone talking! Ha!

      • You know it’s not working if you enter the henhouse and find a raccoon square-dancing with a Rhode Island Red.

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