Pat’s back

Hi everyone,

True to his word, J. Patrick Lewis is back with his latest poetry challenge. According to Pat, this is not a new form but it’s an unusual one. Here’s what our U.S. Children’s Poet Laureate has to say:

A “tailgater” is a couplet, a verse form (not original with me) that begins with the first line of a well-known poem, and follows with the poet’s own nonsensical second line in the same meter. Think of shutting the back gate of a pickup truck. Tailgaters have also been called “deflated couplets.”]

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Came the screaming of Santa Claus—“Eek, there’s a mouse!”
*
James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree
Was stopped by TSA at LAX for false ID.
*
They went to sea in a sieve, they did
(Also known as a colander, kid.)
*
Poor old lady, she swallowed a fly,
Breaststroking in her shoo fly pie.
*
Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or octopegs?
*
O my aged Uncle Arly
Twiced removed was Jacob Marley.
*
I never saw a Purple Cow
but grape milk is delicious. Wow!
*
One if by land, and two if by sea,
Three if by air, and four? Beats me.
*
Whose woods these are I think I know.
Horrors!—it’s Edgar Allan Poe.
*
To see the world in a grain of sand
Means you’re in never-never land.
*
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky.
If the tide’s gone out there may be a few dead mackerel to fry.
*
“You are old, Father William,” the young man cried.
“He’s only a pup!” Grandpa William replied.

[Note: The first line above is from Robert Southey’s “The Old Man’s Comforts and How He Gained Them.”
The poem is commonly attributed to Lewis Carroll, but Carroll’s poem is a parody of Southey’s poem, which
is now long forgotten. Carroll’s parody begins: “You are old, Father William, the young man said.”]
______________

From adult poems:

When I have fears that I may cease to be,
Whatever made me think sobriety?
*
Jenny kissed me when we met
Drooling like a bachelorette.
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Yes, I remember Adlestrop—
Pop. 13 4. (A cattle stop.)
*
If we must die—let it not be like hogs
Listening to right-wing mano-monologues.
*
A sweet disorder in the dress
Is evidence that she said yes.
*
I saw Eternity the other night.
Took Exit 49—Detroit. Turned right.
*
The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold—
That animal! Soon apprehended, I’m told.
*
The woods decay, the woods decay and fall.
Repeat myself? Re-up my Seconal.
*
It’s no go the merrygoround, it’s no go the rickshaw,
All I want is a pit bull and suspension of the leash law.
*
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Turn on the gas, I’m out of methadone.
*
Do you remember an inn, Miranda?
Your iPhone app? Try MEMORANDA.

Thanks, Pat. I’m afraid you’re doing it to us again. I’ll leave this up for a couple of days or so to make sure we give everyone a chance to join the fun.

For more about Pat, here’s a place to start: http://www.jpatricklewis.com